That week in the ICU we weren’t sure where my dad had gone, and if he was ever going to return to us. Today we say a prayer for those who need it, for those who are facing something they have never faced, trying to find the Christmas lights in the chaos and overwhelm of their emotion.
Can you imagine a woman going into a place and flipping tables and expressing rage? We would destroy her.
It isn’t fair that he is alone. They had plans. They talked about getting that RV when they retired and traveling around the country to have an adventure of the lifetime—just like they had dreamed we would do as a family when we were little but time got away and reality set in and we never went.
Is following the yellow brick road really how it works? Follow follow follow follow…Can one just trust in her ideas, be open to the tiny breadcrumbs of inspiration that appear and savor each morsel as she walks forward in faith?
Billy watches me with curiosity as I pack our things for the hundredth time in less than six months and I am reminded of that Janis Joplin lyric, “Freedoms just another word for nothing left to lose”.
The message is clear: I must come back from the wild and be tamed by fear in spite of the intense and almost animalistic desire to remain free. To put it more simply, a girl traveling alone with her dog should be afraid for her life.
We had waited for days to see her. Several sunrises and sunsets sitting by the river where they say the wild horses come to cross. I wanted to know what it looks like to be that free.
In the box were photographs from over the years, baby photos, dinner snapshots, my mother pregnant in a long dress with her leather brown boots that my sister now wears. A time capsule of memories. A letter dropped from one envelope. My mother’s handwriting, I catch my breath. Are there answers there perhaps? Answers to the things I would ask her if she were here?
There is a movement happening around the world and in our nation in particular, where women are coming into their power and moving us in a new and better direction. It is hard. It is emotional. It is challenging. And women are still being hung in the town square in modern ways for their courage and convictions.
When we tie wealth to stress reduction we ignore a million if not a billion other ways for us to reduce our stress. We also feed right into the cultural disease that working harder and more and earning more will lead to less stress.